Warning: I reread this today before posting. Only read this if you want an exposure to the patterned chaos in my mind that creates my reality and spurs my life choices. You’ve been cautioned.
Before starting any project, design, life change, whatever – it is a good idea to take stock of what is around. You need to know where you are and what you have if you want to have any success improving your situation. You also have to know where you want to go – more on that later. The the military teaches SWOT analysis to budding strategic thinkers. This methodology asks planners to think through their strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. Permaculture teaches an “observe, then interact” methodology. A close friend of mine recently shared some of his company’s risk assessment techniques with me as we mulled over a joint project. There plenty of ways to think through projects and take stock of resources, so I probably don’t need to be creating a new one. But I have decided to riff on what I’ve learned, and experiment with an orienting tool that mirrors some of the mindfulness meditations I’ve been doing lately. By the end of this exercise, I believe I’ll have improved situational and self awareness, as well as some nascent options for what to do and what directions I might move.
This methodology will address three realms to help me think about my life:
- My physical situation (what things are around me that I notice, what can I use, what access I have right now)
- Mental state (how am I currently thinking about the world)
- Activities (where I am applying myself and expending energy on a regular basis)
I’m going to go through these in stream of consciousness style, listing what comes to mind, acknowledging it, and moving along. With no further ado:
Physical (nouns in my life that catch my attention)
- A solar powered rain collecting greenhouse supporting utility trailer that I currently live in, and all systems associated with it. Right now my charge controller is broken. I should really get that fixed.
- 40 foot diesel former school bus. Currently rented. Now thinking about vehicles.
- Small car. In wife’s care. Not readily accessible to me, because I live across the country (for now).
- Big Truck. Good for moving stuff.
- Dog. She does not like to ride in the truck. Strange dog, but she is nice to my chickens now.
- 20-60 chickens. Mostly for the eggs they lay. Some of them are geographically separated too. Going to focus on what is immediately around.
- Unknown number of ducks. Also for eggs, and slug control.
- Rest of the flock: guinea fowl, goose
- Left over fencing
- Plenty of lumber left over from various projects. Not so relevant right now. New direction.
- 25 shovels. Should make a garden party a real possibility.
- Wheelbarrows. Assorted other garden tools including vicious looking tiller. I’m more interested in no-till methods but I’ll happily experiment with tilling this spring.
- Jewelry case/organizer full of heirloom seeds. I need to check germination rates.
- Fermented foods in the fridge. I need to get some now. I’m hungry.
- … and back
- Smart watch. More useful than I thought it’d be. Keeps me on track. Probably the only reason I’m focused enough to do this journal entry now.
- Computer. Very powerful tool. Very potent distractions abound from this devise as well.
- Baby toys. Manufactured distractions meant to facilitate learning and separate parents from money. I will keep them around in anticipation of more babies wanting to use them.
- Berkey Ceramic Water Filter. Just as shiny as baby toys, but probably way more useful. People of all ages need clean water.
- Lots of sweat pants. Good for doing work.
- Collection of used diapers. Humanure experiment. I need to check on this and maybe turn it (stir it up to help the decomposition) soon.
- 10,000 worms in various bins. I should make sure they have enough cardboard to eat, and pour water through my expermental worm tea making bin.
- Inflatable swimming pool with gold fish. I haven’t fed them anything but they have grown. I also have no mosquito larva in the swimming pool, so this particular experiment is working. Grow bed is working OK.
- Plants in pots. When will I need to put them in the Greencave?
- Plastic sheeting. I should probably replace some of the Greencave’s roof with the sheeting.
- Some houses. Very useful for people who want regular shelter. Easier to rent than the school bus.
- Stuff that I need to ferment. I’d like to make kombucha again. I wonder if my cabbage has recovered from the cabbage moth larva that decimated it earlier this summer. The kale is coming back nicely.
- Jambox. Time to listen to some music.
Now the gears are really turning. That list got me thinking about the multitude of stuff I need to do to maintain this… stuff, and I probably could have continued to list objects around me for practically ever.. Now, however, it is time to shift those gears: how am I thinking about the rest of the world, and how I fit into it? What thoughts, if any, seem to recur to me?
- What should I be doing with my time right now? What is the best way for me to be most effective? How will this behavior benefit my family?
- Is this a valuable way to spend my time? What is this gaining me? Money? Enjoyment? Learning?
- Where are my keys? Phone? Wallet? Wits?
- Am I remembering to fully breathe?
- Why did I just read ____ on wikipedia for an extended period of time?
- Am I missing something important that is happening in the world? I should check the News/Facebook/my email/the time/my calendar/the window
- What’s the weather going to be like? Do I need to water my plants?
- I like this song. I’d like to hear it again (currently, Kelis – Fourth of July Calvin Harris Remix.)
- Don’t clench you jaw.
- Did I get enough exercise today? This one is easy to answer- I have it outsourced to an app on my phone.
- How can I stack the function of whatever I am thinking of doing next?
- Is it too early to drink beer right now?
It seems a few things are missing from this list. I would have liked to have the thought “How is my wife doing?” be more on my mind. I am going to be sure to include that going forward in my life.
Apart from the energy spent responding to my endless mental dialogue, I am usually acutely aware of the ebb and flow of my daily energy levels, and where the energy goes. Here’s the list of things that consume me, or my time, on a nearly daily basis:
- I respond to the challenges of my paid job, as a Flight Commander in the Air Force. This means preparing for lessons, grading papers, receiving and giving training to ensure a positive, and relatively seamless experience for my students. This is draining.
- I communicate with my loved ones. It is not always easy to tear myself away from other pressing issues to sit and have a truly focused conversation, but it is essential to maintaining stability and happiness, upon which the rest of my life is and can be built. Depending on how the conversation goes, which is usually a rehash of whatever is going on in our respective lives, I leave these conversations either with more energy or less.
- Daydreaming. Brainstorming ways to solve the myriad problems or issues I allow into my life with the various experiments I have going. I come away from the time I spend doing this usually rejuvenated.
- I accomplish small tasks physical tasks. I feed the chickens, I water the plants, I do laundry (but I do not fold it). I clean stuff. I prepare meals. Accomplishing these maintenance activities makes me feel better about myself and give me satisfaction. I space these things out so I can feel a small bit of psychological reward whenever I am frustrated with something else. Sometimes these tasks also directly create value. I prefer tasks that incorporate
- I address issues that have cropped up in my administrative role as landlord and/or human resources manger at Farmpound (an experimental, intentional community/homestead… more on that later). This means paying bills, reiterating expectations to people, checking in on project progress, or dealing with catastrophes of a domestic nature. This is the most sapping part of my daily life. I am working to reframe some of these activities as the most opportune learning points/practice points. This is where real leadership is needed, and it’s hard.
- I work out. Yes, I do lift, bro. For the last 20 years of my life, I have been trying to get into running. I still haven’t, but I make myself do it anyway.
Preliminarily, this feels like a beneficial exercise. I feel much more at peace, as I often do after mindfulness sessions. I also have the advantage of being able to revisit this in a week, possibly do the same thing, and track any changes. I’m not sure I should let my wife read this, but I doubt she has time to do it anyway. I’ll put it in an email to her and sneak it in to get feedback. I’m not really sure I should post this, either, but I’m going to because I do try to get outside my comfort zone on a daily basis. With the restored mental clarity and recognition of many things around me (which seem to be incredibly varied and random), I’m feeling like I can tackle just about anything.
A few things I’m feeling like I’ll do this year now:
-Learn how to pour concrete better this year.
-Find and propagate pawpaw trees
-Sell something using the internet (eggs?)
More goals next time.
I tagged Leadership, Permaculture, Tech, and Wellness in this one because most of the stuff in this torrent of consciousness pertains to at least one, if not more of those. I’m pretty nervous to post this up.